@10:02 AM
Heaven forbid, thanks to Tinky, I've stumbled across my documentation of my ex-class' various verbal idiocies. Very entertaining. Aren't you glad I don't do it now? ;)
OBS=]
Chim: “Sharon and Gene… Wait. Are they both girls?”
Audry explaining the OBS dress code: “You can’t wear sleeveless stuff into the cookhouse ’cos [when you go there to eat] your sleeves will get in the way of your food!”
Audry’s thirst getting the better of her: “Ohmigosh. I tried to drink out of a bottle with a stopper!”
Puee’s last words before being victimised by a swarm of mosquitoes: “Mosquitoes don’t bite me.”
Serene demonstrating the extent of her botanical knowledge: “Look at the wooden tree with the burst nest fern!”
[This one needs no introduction]
“Hmm. Should I save my disposable underwear?”
[and this one]
*cockadoodledoo*
“I think that’s a monkey!”
Serene’s attempt to match up to physically superior beings: “My abs hurt!”
Audry’s discovery of her own inferiority: “I have a short torso!”
Serene the Conservative: “You know… Bao’s getting more vulgar… she curses in capital letters!”
Jia Hui’s orienteering misadventure [or one of many, if you ask her watch=]: “Wait. Which colour arrow points north?”
Pei Ying’s take on mosquitoes: “Mosquitoes will fly through whether the windows are closed or unclosed.”
Serene, recalling vivid childhood memories: “You know, a durian chased me when I was six!”
Jia Hui and Intelligence
“Aiyoh, I’d better start thinking!”
“I didn’t become smart, I was already smart!”
“Yay! I’m getting smarter… I’m smart!”
“Haha, I’m the only smart one around!”
“Oh dear, I’d better stop thinking!”
“I should start planning for my future. I need to know what I’m doing tomorrow.”
“Even our cells are so smart. I feel stupid now.”
“I’m smart. I have nothing stupid to say.”
“I’m tall. And I’m smart.”
“Eh, I got a very big brain, ok?”
Pam’s Puns [with contributions by Pam’s group]
In a Physics lesson on electricity: “The current group is presenting.”
And: “What is the potential difference? I thought it was ‘watt’!”
“Jia Hui can’t stand Emath! Sit down!”
In an Emath lesson on geometric transformations-
JH: “What’s the point?”
Chris: “I want to go for recess on the dot.”
Pam: “Yeah! Then you don’t have to line up.”
Ms Hoo: “Pam! Do your work!”
Chris: “Pam! Go back and reflect on your actions!”
On Serene’s gas tests in Chem practical: “All gaswork! Hua4 se4 tian1 zu2!”
Miscellaneous Slips-of-the-Tongue-that-Unfortunately-were-Made-in-My-Presence
Serene: “Serene is smart.”
Lydia, to her waistline: “Are you there? Oh no! It’s missing!”
Puee, during a PE lesson: “Serene, you aren’t supposed to move your hands like that. It’s obstruction.”
Serene: “So I can’t touch you?”
Puee: “No, you can touch me.”
Jia Hui, after reading above blooper: “‘Destruction’? You mean, Puee’s suicidal too?”
Puee, during assembly: “Four-thirteen, you’re right at the left. The first person stands in front, and the last person stands at the back.”
Lydia: “Maybe fish eyes make you smart, because I don’t eat them.”
Jia Hui, to Ms Hoo: “Why’d you brush your teeth with a hairband?”
Ms Ting, on failed governments’ policies: “It’s like… dangling a carrot in front of a goose. That’s quite good! I must remember that!”
Chim: “Audry’s making eggs!”
Ting, on walking faster than others: “Well, some people have more legs!”
Jia Hui, brandishing her Bio diagram: “It’s a skin!”
Shiqin, reminiscing: “When I was a girl…”
Pam: “What are you now, then?”
Audry’s effort to spew less profanities: “Sh*t! Oh no, I said ‘sh*t’! Oh sh*t!”
Serene: “You can’t have watermelon trees, right?”
Lydia, to tray of peanut cookies: “Are you cooked?”
Chim’s lack of faith in Audry’s culinary skills: “If I eat this will I die?”
Jia Hui, on pineapple tarts: “You mean pineapples come in little things like these?”
Jia Hui, after baking peanut cookies for half an hour: “Oh!! These are peanut cookies!”
Jia Hui: “What’s a sucker?”
Chim: “You laughed, therefore you took my calculator!”
Chim: “Pei Ying, if you don’t mark Serene’s attendance, maybe she won’t come.”
Chim, on Tinky’s discman: “If I touch it more, it’ll become mine.”
Tinky: “If Ser laughs enough, maybe she’ll die.”
Jia Hui: “Does ‘A. Lee’ stand for Serene Lee?”
Jia Hui: “Chairs should vibrate. Then fat will dissolve. That’s what slime-ing centres do!”
Pei Ying: “You know, ‘park’ as in parking cars… Choochoo!”
Serene: “Oh look I found a mushroom! Oops. It’s an angsana seed.”
Serene, repeating her OBS mistake: “That’s a chicken! Quack quack!”
Ting, on Serene and Audry: “They aren’t alike… they’re as different as peas in a pod.”
Jia Hui: “What do parallel lines look like?”
Jia Hui: “Haha at me.”
[long pause]
Jia Hui: “Who said ‘haha at me’?”
Jia Hui, puzzling over diagrams of the reproductive system: “I’m sure I’ll be better at the male one.”
Shiqin: “Where’s my sperm duct?”
Jia Hui: “Doesn’t the foetus have gills?”
Jia Hui: “What does a boat look like?”
Pei Ying: “Hitler is British… of course, Germany is in Britain.”
Lydia: “You will not quote me on that! What if everyone thinks I cannot speak English?”
Lydia: “Yay! Successful insult!”
Lydia: “I have a windy stomach. You have a problem?”
Lydia: “If I become like Puee, I… I’ll go sit on the fence!”
Audry, anxious to get started on class video: “Quick! Write it down… and then… Stephrene, Michelle and Puee will do splits.”
Lydia: “Isn’t Germany part of the United Kingdom?”
Puee, on hearing that Li Jia got a big fluffy Eeyore: “I have the smaller Eeyores. We can start a family together!”
Miscellaneous Very-Apt-Remarks
Jia Hui, after Bio prelims: “How was I supposed to know [that the stomach secretes mucus]? I asked my stomach, but it didn’t answer!”
Ting: “We’re all people. Right?”
Junwan, on not using sulphuric acid: “It will kill you!”
Chim, spluttering and pointing a trembling finger at Audry: “You… you are such an Audry!”
[Audry stares in shocked silence upon the revelation of this profound truth]
Chim: “No… I mean… you’re a… a Classic Audry!”
Lydia marvels: “I never knew science could be so practical!”
Clar, wailing about Lydia: “Lydia bit me! With her teeth!”
Ting: “I’m always siding with myself! Yay!”
Jia Hui: “Yay! I’m me!”
Jia Hui: “Yay! I have many bothers.”
Hui Chu, on Serene: “Argh. Save me from this perverted sex maniac!”
Jia Hui, latest victim of myopia: “Puee! You’re a blur blob!”
Audry in Geog class: “The men go to work in the urban areas and leave their female wives behind.”
Audry, proudly displaying a Work Experience souvenir: “It’s a semen sample.”
Mrs Lee, aghast: “What were you doing?!”
Pam: “She was working!”
Shiqin, on her newly acquired perfume: “It’s moonflower!”
Puee: “But there are no flowers on the moon!”
Lou: “Chewing is so tiring…”
Li Jia, on how the great Leibniz got to travel extensively: “He rowed a boat?”
Jia Hui, on the inconveniences of clothing: “After you unbutton then you have to button again, so tiring!”
Serene: “Ow! My fats hurt!”
Ms Ting, to Serene: “You dirty woman, you!”
Sunday, February 01, 2004 @3:32 AM
Blah. STJ yesterday. I have never held so much money only to give it all to Sebastian and the Fish&Co crew :/ But thanks to everyone who showed, ESPECIALLY the seniors :) And to ES if he's reading this, for forking out $20+ to pay our deficit. Will pay you back soon, I promise.
Maybe I should start at the beginning of yesterday, when I dropped by school to watch Dramafeste rehearsals. The girls pack punch with a whole lotta attitude! :D Bernie sounds... sultry. Yeah. That's the word.
Although I felt terrible about that, the J1s are an absolutely darling cast. Hope to see some of them take the stage during production or something:)
Then went with CW and Qiuyun to take up posts as stationmasters of Interact's unAmazing Race. Hung out outside Magehaven and NTUC for 3 hours. Stoned at CW's house, then went to Somerset for STJ:)
STJ Honourable Mentions:
CHINGAY. Even tho' I probably caught about, say, 1 minute of the entire thing. The sakura-petal-float looked quite pretty:)
CHARMAINE'S dirty jokes. The chicken and the egg. The road to success. Enough said.
Charmaine (she's such a dear haha): "
Can I be your favourite junior?"
Me: "
For $50, you can."
Sheryl: "
Mine for $49!"
ES: "
Nah, it's not worth paying so much for them. You can be mine for $11."
Jo, peering at her mussels: "
Are these aphrodisiacs?"
Cat & I: "
Why don't you try it and tell us?"
Jo: "
Cannot tell lah, no difference before and after." (...)
Jo, to Ian: "
Do you want an aphrodisiac?"
Ian: "
Er... No... No need."
Ruimin (BRITNEY) trying without success to strip Junyong. And again and again and again.
Getting LUCAS away from his Middleton notes only to hear that he almost beat Cat and Jo in a cosmetics/perfume-naming game. (!!!)
Watching CHIM fail miserably at her
xiaobaitu joke, because Khoon Liat and Weixiang were laughing at her before her punchline.
Bad jokes galore! Ruimin's
muahchee takes the cake. Lucas' Navajo joke wasn't bad tho' :)
Me, trying to get Bernie to do an Austin Powers line: "
Come on, Bernie! Say it! 'De-fur my monkey'!"
Bernie, sniggering: "
Was that a request?"
Charmaine the lost puppy: "
Where are all my friends?"
Watching Han, 'Risse, Ruimin and Ian race to the Esplanade while CW, Bernie, Dawn, Melvin and I followed at a snail's pace bellowing Abba tunes and miscellaneous bad pop.
Han's assorted f*rting noises. Ew.
Talking cock at the Esplanade. Juniors' Truth-or-Dare turned into an Ian-vs-rest-of-the-world. That ended when all of us got bad mental pictures of a
menage a trois with Alex's cue.
Hooch could be my next favourite drink. That's STJ in a nutshell for ya.
Saw some sad losers hanging around at Suntec hoping to get tickets to the MTV Asia Awards. Utt is so cute, even with a hideous Afro wig :)
